Venting: On Being Pregnant

Lately I’ve been falling behind on my Project 365 by a week or more and find myself trying to pull photos out of my arse to make up for those missing days.  The fact is, I haven’t been feeling very inspired.  I’ve been feeling very green, as in nauseous.  Most of my friends and family already know this, but if not, then the news is bun #2 is now in the oven and I’m 7 weeks along.  It’s tough to feel happy or inspired when the bulk of my energy is focused on “what should I eat next so I don’t feel so hungry and sick” or how to deal with the horrible fatigue and strange things that are happening to my body.  What used to taste good to me tastes horrible.  Sometimes nothing sounds good but I know I must eat something.  I’m hungry all the time so this is a constant ordeal for me, not leaving much time or energy for photography. 

I’ve been so consumed by this that I can’t even go through our paperwork and the mail is piling up.  I can’t summon up enough energy to even deal with that right now.  I seem to missing about a quarter of my brain too as I forget things a lot.  When I do find the time for something other than eating or sleeping, I’m reading up on pregnancy and trying to become knowledgeable on all there is to know.  This is my second pregnancy so I should remember most of this, which I do, but there is also more to know than ever before.  I’ve been reading about epigenetics, something I’ve only just become aware of and wish I’d known about when pregnant with Little A.  I’d have probably made better choices about my eating but even now I simply can’t stay away from fast food sometimes.  I’m usually starving and need to eat something ASAP, so the easiest thing is to go through the drive thru and get some fries.  Now I know there is nothing but junk in those fries, but then again they help fill and settle my stomach when I’m feeling so sick.   Maybe ignorance is bliss as reading about how nutrition directly affects your baby’s genetics is only causing me to feel guilty about eating french fries when I am just trying to keep myself from ralphing.  I wish I were one of the lucky ones who reports no morning sickness.  But this isn’t the case for me.  For me, the first trimester of pregnancy is the most uncomfortable period of time to get through.  I know that once I start feeling better and things start tasting good again, I’ll be making more healthy eating choices.  I remember feeling much better by the 13th week with Little A so I’m hoping I’ll be feeling better even earlier with this one.  The first trimester is driving my body crazy with hunger, fatigue, and nausea.  It feels as though another being has taken over my body and sends me messages about what’s next on the menu, and if I don’t fulfill the request there will be hell to pay.  Well, another being HAS taken over my body and it’s rather humorous to those like my husband, who have to live with me. 

Take for example the time we went to Applebee’s.  I ordered a steak and it arrived on a sizzling skillet with mushrooms and onions.  The smoke and fumes from the food still cooking just about sent me into a tailspin.  The poor waiter saw the look on my face and offered to take it back into the kitchen.  I think he was afraid I was going to ralph right there at the table.  I really tried to eat that steak.  I took one bite and that being inside of me told me “no way” and I just couldn’t do it.  I had them bring me something else to eat and bun #2 said no to that too.  By the time we got home I was still starving as I couldn’t eat anything at the restaurant.  The hubby had to make me pancakes, which thankfully, I could stomach.  It’s things like that that are driving me batty right now as we spend a small fortune on food I think I want but can’t eat or food I absolutely have to eat or else.  It’s maddening!

So, I just want to apologize for my lack of inspiration right now.  I hope to make up for it in the future.  Thank you to my readers for your continued support and for letting me vent about how I’ve been feeling.  Of course, I don’t want to sound like such a complainer because I’m also very excited about bun #2.  I think once I start feeling better I’ll have the energy to express this excitement more too.